I have been self reflecting on intentional and purposeful living. Everything crosses our path with the intention of projecting a new lesson; uncovering our deepest truth and innately connecting us to our “higher self” wisdom. Thoughts, emotions, and personal beliefs shape our view of the world and ourselves – both of which are divinely intertwined. Through this process, we connect to our higher purpose. For me, my purpose lies within the heart’s center.
My self reflection started with examining the source of love. Being both a creative individual and healer carries the gift of constant empathy. My intuition calls for healing the broken, sick and those needing spiritual direction. And when you are universally summoned to be a healer, your heart becomes a living sponge. You absorb the good, the bad and the broken – in a repetitive cycle. Healing isn’t linear and our hearts are exposed to it from all angles. As a healer, you learn to cradle its fragility with pure love.
The same comes with living creatively…
Creativity and I are twin flames; always learning and connecting from each others’ openness. I absolutely adore blogging, personal poetry and writing. I have since childhood. I always will. It is my lingering muse and my inner place of refuge. Much like healing, writing seeks comfort in soothing hearts. Writings are accessible to anyone; making it easier to share and find its seeker.
Synergistically speaking, healing and writing hold the binding of my heart together.
Having such a powerful muse requires daily balance. Balancing all aspects of healing, writing, career and a social life have overwhelming periods. Naturally, I experience them in emotional waves – some choppier than others.
Post exhaustion, I started asking myself; When your purpose is always with you – how do you balance it?
I bullied myself over seeking the answer… truly. The daily seeking became daunting and exhausted my mental health. I was upset and started mourning the “demise” of my early onset writing career. Mindfully, I caught myself and my self limited behavior. Following this instance, I made it a goal to seek proper truth in finding balance.
Per usual, I put it in the hands of the universe. I began asking for help out loud. Choosing to surrender is choosing trust the universal flow. I let it go and was ready to be its student.
The answer came rapidly…
Girl (me) walks into the bookstore. Book falls off the shelf. Book smacks girl on the head. Girl picks up the book. Girl uncovers lesson…
A true case of asking, believing and receiving...
The book that literally hit my head, and screamed “Hey! I’m here for you!” was Elizabeth Gilberts’ “Big Magic.”
I am a huge fan of Gilbert; ranging from her enticing TED Talks to her “Eat, Pray Love” bestseller. She is a wonderful guide for anyone looking to live their life fearlessly. I could not have asked for a better author to enter my life.
I was immediately hooked after the first page. Everything in this novel was EVERYTHING I needed to hear, loud & clear. I circled, underlined, and highlighted her words. Enchanting, really. I was a student to her creative instruction via the universe. I finally found my answer in this new “bible” of living authentically.
Most of my creative instruction was illustrated in these three passages below:
The first passage reaffirming my inner voice:
“I have watched so many other people murder their creativity by demanding that their art pay the bills…
“But to yell at your creativity, saying, “You must earn money for me!” is sort of like yelling at a cat; it has no idea what you’re talking about, and all you’re doing is scaring it away, because you’re making really loud noises and your face looks weird when you do that.”
I approached creativity from a daring angle last year. Rather than letting my writing flow naturally, I aggressively asked it to be a money driver. I was demanding profit from a creative “genius.” I was scolding and chastising myself when the light failed to shine. My prior publications were always based off of sparks of inspiration. No bullying, just gentle whispers to pick up the pen. Going against my creative genius resulted in its silent rebellion.
When I was “yelling” at my creative expertise to fill my pockets, it chose to hide from profits. It was beyond affirming to realize Gilbert experienced my same dilemma. In the moment, I made a personal “vow” to never force my creativity to drive profit – and only to write when I felt the inner flame.
The second affirmation followed:
“Pure creativity is magnificent expressly because it is the opposite of everything else in life that’s essential or inescapable (food, shelter, medicine, rule of law, social order, community and familial responsibility, sickness, loss, death, taxes, etc.). Pure creativity is something better than a necessity; it’s a gift. It’s the frosting. Our creativity is a wild and unexpected bonus from the universe.”
“An unexpected bonus from the universe…” -beautiful.
My view of creativity shifted. If I could view my writing as a “bonus” career, in addition to marketing, it opened the door to welcoming balance. This was my forever gift, my forever muse and my forever friend. Instead of forcing it to be my career, it could always easily be my creative companion.
And the third…
“You are worthy, dear one, regardless of the outcome. You will keep making your work, regardless of the outcome. You will keep sharing your work, regardless of the outcome. You were born to create, regardless of the outcome. You will never lose trust in the creative process, even when you don’t understand the outcome.”
I am my own worst critic and fall into the self criticism trap. I have encountered numerous rejections. Rejections have a way of forging doubtful thoughts. In previous years, I would have bullied myself. After hearing Gilberts’ words as a reminder of personal worthiness and innate birthright to create, I knew to “trust the creative process.” Never a failure, just a student to the creative world. Simple.
My heart is at ease finding balance in my passion and purpose. I know authentic living in the “world of Marissa” defines itself as being true to my heart and muse. I confidently trust the process and trust my path. I just needed a bit of my own “big magic” to find ease.
Leaving you with my current mood, and Gilbert's words:
“Gratitude, always. Always, gratitude.”
Enjoy the process.